Back from camp

Well, I'm back and have "recovered". We drove straight thru from Wed around 6pm and arrived 19hrs later after a stop at Denny's (blech) and In-and-Out (mmm). We even managed a ride Thursday evening. The rest of the campers arrived over the next 12hrs - Chip, Park, Trim, Little Jeff, Big Jeff, Erica and Mike. Coach Mark showed up Friday morning and proceeded to get us to run a descending 4mi run along the canal - out and back with a brutal headwind on the way back. Needless to say making that last descending mile was hard - I didn't make it - hardly anyone did. Phil ran great, in fact he ran great the entire camp. He also rode really well, poor guy got stuck riding with me instead of the faster folks.

So
Thurs:
Rode 1hr
Fri:
Ran 4+mi
Swam barely 1600yds
Rode 1hr
Sat:
Bike fit clinic from the man (Dan E)
Ran on the trails at 7000'++ which ended up being a disaster
Sun: Rode 3hrs

The disaster? Well apparently I don't do well above 7000'. I couldn't breathe and my hands and ankles were swollen up pretty good. Nice headache ensued. Yep, mild altitude sickness. Ugh. Missed an open water swim later that afternoon. Prolly a good thing though, it would have been pretty sad haha.

During that first run and that first pool swim, Mark filmed us. Wow. My run form sucks ass. Years ago, when I was recovering from a bad piriformis problem, I had to learn to run in the Pose method i.e.: with good posture and a compact stride with high cadence. Apparently I have completely forgotten all of that. I was all over the place. No wonder my running sucks these days.

However, the swim actually looked pretty decent. I have a few key things to work on (aside from sheer mileage and endurance): a correct pull under my body and not super wide, and not looking forward as much as I do (look more at the bottom of the pool instead). To have the coach of the UC - Davis swim program tell me my stroke is pretty good, well, that felt great. Now I just need to get that endurance up, and teach my muscles to do that pull correctly. Again. Then for my next trick I'll cure cancer. Lol.

So I told my boss that I think I will be signing up for IMC for next year. He's supportive but asked if I'll "go crazy"... he's seen others go this path. After this weekend, where it was pretty apparent that I am not in good shape at all, so now I am hesitant. I signed up for Squamish (Olympic in July) and am hoping to do the Apple (Olympic in August). I have North Shore Sprint this next Monday too. I think I will have to see how I progress through the summer. If I can get those two oly races under my belt and feel Ok about it, then I can plan for a fall half marathon (Victoria or Okanagan in October), maybe a Feb marathon (Austin sounds good), then train until August for IMC 09. Wow, that sounds like a lot.

My big fear is that I sign up for IMC and then get into training mode and somehow end up diverging from P. I have to admit I am kinda afraid that if I go do this that I run the risk of distancing myself from him, you know, of spending too little time together so that you end up growing apart. I see it happen so many times, that it's kinda scary. I mean it could be easy to do it together but after this weekend, I know that I don't want to pressure him into anything he doesn't want to do himself.

In the back seat of the car on the way home I had the chance to do a lot of thinking. A lot of what I thought about is not really for a blog... I'll keep that to myself for now... but some of it was realizing things about myself. Like: I get really negative about things that I shouldn't. In fact, I sometimes have a negative thought, and then for some reason I try to take it further, as if to see how bad it can get, to see if I can handle it. How counterproductive eh? So I am trying to smile more. And I am trying to stop the negative thoughts. Here's what I do when I start down that path (it's stupid I warn you): I mentally go "ssshhhh". That's right, I tell myself, nicely, to shut up. So far it seems to work. It's like white noise in my head.

I don't know why I beat myself up, why I think I'm not good enough - whether it's triathlon, work, Kate or P. I sometimes wonder if it's part of just getting old. Like not feeling attractive. I used to have men hit on me all the time (ok, women too). It doesn't happen anymore. And I think it's just me getting older and having to deal with that. But it kills me sometimes to not be as attractive as I used to be. I sometimes think about cosmetic surgery. Good thing I'm kinda cheap by nature or I could see myself getting sucked into that, botox to start, then maybe some lipo, get my teeth done (w/o braces even lol), maybe a boob job - although since they don't float, it's not good for swimming and buoyancy... ;-)

I'm sure other women deal with this. For some reason my confidence just isn't there. I wonder if it's the uncertainty in my life that causes it. Or the stresses. Although they really are the same thing, right?

What does it mean to be menopausal? Well, medically I know it means no more kids. I haven't wanted another since having K, so I can't imagine that's what's bothering me. Hormonally it means I get messed up (hot flashes, emotional instability, etc.). I suspect that is really what's going on. Well, that paired with the hypothyroidism. Not easy to manage. As well, the last few cycles, I have been "delayed" as it were, and I've had to ask myself "what if?" I *know* exactly what I'd do. Thank god soon enough I won't have to even worry about that. Then I can focus on other "stressors"...

Some times it would be nice to just run away and hide, or take the easy path. However, that is not in my nature. Dammit.

Back to running tomorrow.

AP